My Body is a Temple

Here in Utah, there are many many temples. This is where I will be getting married... well not this exact temple, but one in San Diego. Temples are a sacred place. They are quiet and peaceful and free from any worldly distractions. The temple is where we make sacred covenants with God. We promise to serve him and keep his commandments and in return he promises us eternal blessings. When Christopher and I get married in the temple we will make a promises not just to each other but with God. A temple marriage allows us to be "sealed" together not just until we die but for eternity! Then when we have children they are "born under the covenant" and we can be together forever as a family unit.

We also perform these ordinances for people who have already died and no longer are with their body so that if they chose to accept Christ in heaven, the work has been done "in proxy" for them. It is a way that we can serve our ancestors who paved the path for our wonderful lives. So, needless to say, the temple is a very important and special place. It is very clean and very beautiful. The reason I speak of temples is because in the Old Testament they had temples too! Furthermore, Paul teaches that our bodies are like temples. He says in Corinthians 3.

16 Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the spirit of God dwelleth in you?

17 If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

Temples should be beautiful and pure. (NOT THE WORLD'S DEFINITION OF BEAUTIFUL). Each temple is unique in appearance, and so are our bodies.... for example....all of the following images represent beauty because they are all of temples whose purpose is the exchange of Love. None of them look the same but their purposes are the same with the central sentiment of LOVE!

Alberta Temple

The Love Between a Mother and Daughter

Salt Lake City Temple

Love between the young and the old.

San Diego Temple (Where Chris and I will be married!)

Sister Love

Jordan River Temple

The love of a mother for her unborn child.

I don't always feel like a temple, but I know that my body is special. It allows me to do a lot of things. I can hug, and wipe away tears. I can give comfort to the sick. I can write a blog! I can sing and dance. I can play with a child. I can help an old person stand up. I can teach. I can create life. There is so much more to my body then what I look like.

I love you Daddy!

Sherry

Addictions

Addictions are a horrible thing, they are not like a thief that suddenly breaks into your house and the swiftly takes all he can in a few passing moments. Addictions, although they rob you of everything that is good in your life, do so in a very gradual almost unnoticeable way. Addictions appear as harmless on the outside, and are often camouflaged by short lived pleasure which can be mistaken for happiness. Addictions are cowards. They like to hide their ugly face behind lies, closed doors and false confidence. There is one secret that addictions are aware of, but they will do everything they can to not let you in on the little secret. In order to hid the secret they will make you believe that once they have you in their grasp, you are stuck forever; you may be given moments to rest, but never will you be released from being their slave. It is time to set things straight and share the truth about addictions.

The truth is that addictions are like bullies. They like to seem strong and powerful, but when put up against something stronger, they shrivel. They want you to think they are strong in order to protect themselves from the weak selves that they know they are deep down. Their power is not self supporting but rather it is dependent upon the yielding of another. The perpetual yielding of one to an addiction eventually leaves one trapped. Addictions like to pretend that just a little bit more may finally be enough and so the slave gives in once more only to find once again that its master is never satisfied and always wants more.

How then is one ever to be freed from an addiction? It is simple. One must choose another master. Until this happens the addicted with give all its strength trying to break free only to hurt himself more. Spencer W Kimball shares a story that demonstrates how difficult and yet simple it can be to let go of an addiction. He first describes a group of monkey catchers who attempted to use nets to catch the monkeys but it would injure them. Instead they came up with a new strategy where they would place a nut in a box with a hole big enough for the monkeys to place their hand in. When the men left, the monkeys would come down and examine the boxes. Quickly they learned that there was a nut in the box and so they reached their little hands in and took hold. When the monkey tried to withdraw the nut from the box they were unable because their little fists with the nut inside were now to large for the hole. He goes by saying “At about this time, the men would come out of the underbrush and converge on the monkeys. And here is the curious thing: When the monkeys saw the men coming, they would shriek and scramble about with the thought of escaping; but as easy as it would have been, they would not let go of the nut so that they could withdraw their hands from the boxes and thus escape. The men captured them easily.” (The False Gods We Worship, Aug 1977) Monkeys are not stupid or powerless, but the problem was that their desire to have the nut was stronger than the desire to be free.

What is the nut of your addiction? Are you trying to be free but can’t seem to let go of the nut? Addictions can make it very difficult to see clearly, but with the help of leaders and loved ones who are not trapped, they can encourage us to let it go.
In choosing to let go, we are choosing to not work harder, but to walk away. We choose to leave our old task master behind and choose another who is more loving and even more powerful.

It is not enough for the monkeys to just let go of their nut. They must also flee from the monkey catchers in order to not be trapped. We too must flee from the dangers that surround us. If addictions are like the nut, them the monkey trappers are like Satan. They want us to focus on the nut or addiction in order to not be aware of his evil presence slowly approaching us. As long as he can keep us distracted, he can remain hidden and disguised and then ultimately take hold on us. Imagine he and his followers had us surrounded, even if we were to let go of the nut and flee we would ultimately fall right into his hands. The nature of a trap is that you have no way out. Satan is wise and he has mastered the art of trapping.

However, there is a power that can deliver one from the traps of Lucifer. He knows this too, and he is doing all that he can to make people believe that Jesus Christ was not the Savior of the world. Jesus Christ came to earth so that we could have a way out of the traps. It is powerful. It is real. A smart monkey would ask God for help. God would reach down his arms and swoop the monkey away from those who were seeking to destroy. He would not be angry at the monkey, but how many times do we resist asking God for help because we feel like He would be angry with us. God is a god of love, not of hate. Jesus Christ was sent to earth in order to save, not to condemn.

I love Jesus Christ. I understand his role, and I am grateful for His power. I have not used all of the power available to me, mostly because of my pride. It can be hard to let go and let someone else love you. Let someone else save you. Sometimes we want to do it on our own, thinking that once we have made it, then God will say. “Wow, you are amazing. I had to help so many people, but you? You, Sherry. You did it on your own.” Sure, that might be a great idea but the reality is that I cannot do it on my own. I depend completely on Jesus Christ. If I want to be happy and free, I must let him in. If the world wants to be happy and free, we must let him in. I write these things in the name of Jesus Christ, my brother, my master, my savior, my friend.

I love you Daddy!
Sherry

Diets are Dumb.

I took a class once on family processes. In it I learned that often times parents have beliefs of what works and does not work for in disciplining their children. If the child does not respond in the expected way, the parents often just try harder instead of think...mmm maybe this is not working....maybe I should try something else? For example, a child is home past his curfew, so the parent makes the curfew earlier or takes away privileges in an attempt to control the child. That may work for some children but not for the free spirit, that child will probably just rebell more, so then the parent restricts more, so the child rebells more and cycle continues until the relationship is completely strained and life is miserable for both the parent and the child. What needs to happen in a situation like this is for the parents to take a step back and revaluate what it is they are doing and what they could try different. As scary and against their beliefs it may be, giving the child complete freedom is often the answer. Many children want to know that you trust them to be responsible, as they are becoming an adult the last thing they was to do is have someone else control them. With REASON!

I feel that this is the same horrible cycle that I have been stuck in for so many years. My body is not what I think it should be, and I expect myself to eat "Perfect" everyday every meal. When I don't, because that is impossible, I get upset at myself and make more restrictions until eventually my relationship with food and myself is totally destroyed. I don't trust myself and so I feel fear every time food is around, I start to hate food because it is the horrible thing that is ruining my life and I am bitter against it that it has power over me. I NEED it to survive. So, I abuse it. I can tell you that this is NOT a fun way to live your life and it is a dangerous road to be on. There are many many things wrong with this. I will go through them. One, like I have said before, it is important to know that the diet and fitness industry are driven by MONEY. Just like fashion, the trends must change or else people will be content and no longer buy the latest. MONEY. They want your money. They feed off of good intentioned people who are trying to take care of their bodies and mess up their heads about what is good and what is bad.

I remember when I was a kid and it was time to have dessert, I was genuinely and completely excited. I enjoyed every bite and and experienced no guilt or self defeating thoughts. I was thin and active. Life was full of joy....then gradually life became about work and trying to be good enough. Play gradually turned into "WORKing out" and cookies gradually turned into Medication. I got overt and covert messages from my well intentioned family that I should not eat sweets especially when it was the off season. I began to believe that fat made me less than, and goodness gracious....who would want that!!!!! No one wants that! So, it started with sugar...sugar became the enemy. No more excitement to eat, eat slowly began to be a cycle of restrain, indulge, repent and repeat. Then it was restrain more, indulge more, repent , repeat. Restrain even more, indulge even more, repent , repeat. Finally, I realized that if a cycle wants to be broken, one or all of them need to be broken.

Restrain? Yup. Break it. There is no such thing as bad food. As intelligent as your body is, it does not know how to read food labels. It does not know the name of whatever you are eating. It does not send off "Store fat alarms" when you eat a hamburger. Nor does your body know how to tell time. It does not tell say....oh Sherry you ate at 8:02 and you know that your metabolism stops at 8. It is going to have to go into STORAGE! MUA HA HA! Suits you right Sherry for feeding me after 8. Suits you right for feeding me a piece of pizza instead of eating that cheese and meat and veggies in the form of a sandwich. So, the body many not know how to read, it is super super intelligent. We, thinking we know better often ignore it though when it is trying to talk to us.

Ever watch a baby. They are sooooo in tune with when they are hungry and when they are full. I believe that we still have that ability but diets and rules and guilt and shame do a good job of encouraging us to ignore them. The body has both hunger and satiety clues and if you listen closely you can hear them! These are the mechanisms in our body that God has given us to guide how much we eat. He also gave us appetites and food preferences. This is what guides us on knowing what you eat. I have known this principle for years, but I have been afraid to live this way because there are two things that you must accept in order to live this way. One, you must let go of trying to look like someone else, even and especially if that someone else is a past you. Second, you must be ok with not being "perfect" in your eating behaviors. Is there anyone out there that get exactly 8 hours of sleep every night to the very minute?? The great thing about the body is that it is good at finding balance, so listen to it! If you oversleep one day, you probably wont be so tired the next day unless your body really needs it! If I was like... OK I MUST get 8 hours of sleep every night....NO MORE NO LESS...while I was training for my marathon I would have been miserable. After my long runs my body would sleep for so long!!!! I have also noticed that I need more sleep when I have went through an emotionally straining couple of days. I trusted my body with sleep and that is how it should be with food too. If you eat a lot one day, don't worry! If you are consistently listening to your hunger and fullness cues then you may not be as hungry the next day.

When I let myself eat when I am hungry and then stop when I am comfortable, I DO NOT feel the need to indulge because my body knows that I am not going to starve it. I feel peace and I can focus on the more important things in life, like people.

Also, there is no repentance. I don't feel guilty for things that I used to feel guilty for and so there is no exercise to burn off calories, there is no throwing up, there is no laying in bed swearing to myself that I will never do that again.

I will stress though, in order to do this, I HAD to accept me for what I was. I also had to let go of the urgent desire to have a certain body, realizing that God does not care about what I look like. Sure, lots of men might think you should look different, but if you are living a life of joy and love and finding satisfaction from taking care of yourself and others, then he sure is missing out. You don't want a man to marry you for your body just as much as man does not want to be married for his money. Children of God are much more than a body and a career.

So, in summary, I know in a previous post I said that I ate what I planned and planned what I ate, but I don't do that anymore. This has always been my ultimate goal to eat intuitively but I did not believe that I could do it. With the help of the program that I posted last post, and the support of my loved ones I have finally come to this point. It still is a little scary but as long as I keep my thoughts in check, I will be ok. There are triggers for me that can throw me back so easily into my old ways of thinking. Some of those are when others around me are trying to lose weight, or avoid "bad" foods. Food did not hurt me. I hurt myself. Don't blame foods like sugar and butter for your unhappiness. And don't blame your unhappiness on your excess weight. Don't even blame yourself. You, like I, have probably put your trust in and found "health" information from sources that appeared to be looking out for your best interest (magazines, television, movies, advertisements, or parents and loved ones who were confused themselves) when the reality is that they want our money.

Well.. that was long. Hope it was helpful. I know I make typos and that my thoughts don't always flow, but I just sit down and write what is on my mind.....just like food...I would go crazy trying to make everything perfect. I am not publishing a book, I am posting a blog. Take it or leave it, but I am giving it raw!

I love you Daddy!
Sherry

Bulimia

I have been thinking about my life and where I have been. I remember that sometimes my food would accidentally come up, then I would just conveniently spit it out. I told my sister about this in high school and she warned me that it was not a good idea. I did not listen to her. I have never been a full blown bulimic, but i know people who are. It is a horrible horrible disease. Isn't it crazy how powerful the desire to be thin can be? Humans can want to be thin so bad that they will eat large amounts of food til they feel sick and then force themselves to vomit? Some do this multiple times a day, others do it a few times a week, a few times a month or like in my case, I did it few times a year.

Why? In my opinion, bulimia's root is a desperate need for love. A cry for acceptance. An attempt to be good enough, to be attractive, desirable, respected. In professional treatment for eating disorders they teach that eating disorders are about control. I agree with this, but I think even deeper is why there is such a deep desire to control. For me, the feelings were that if I could control what I looked like, then if people rejected me I could feel peace that it was not for what I looked like. If I could maintain my looks, then I could control others in that they would always love me and accept me. We talk like it is a mental disorder that is warped, but isn't it true that many people disapprove of fat people? Isn't it true that many people feel sick when they watch a fat person eat? Isn't it true that what the media deems as the most beautiful women are thin? Isn't it true that many men see fatter woman as less than? I know a man who told his son that he deserved better because his girlfriend was fat. The funny thing is that she was not even fat! She was totally normal looking. For most of my life, I have been taught from my experiences that people admire me and want to be close to me and listen to me and respect me when I am thin, and when I have been bigger people encourage me to lose weight, they encourage me to restrict my eating and they are not as eager to listen to my advice on health. It is true. People are sick. We value the wrong things and put unnecessary pressure on our loved ones and on ourselves. It is hard to keep the right focus when constantly around us we are receiving messages about what we should and should not be.

I am an advocate for a complete health, not just physical health. If your mental health is suffering because you can not stop hitting the physical health button, you have a problem.

If you are eating and throwing up. Stop. First stop the throwing up, even if you binge. That is the first step. You must learn to face the consequences of your actions instead of trying to escape them. I had a dream this year that my recovery was like a maze. I have been trying multiple different things and then I hit a dead end and have to try a new path.... I felt like I was almost there.... then after praying for help I found a website. I watched the promotion for the program and in the video there was the exact maze that was in my dream. I was afraid to buy this program because I thought it may just be for money, but SERIOUSLY it helped me so much. I have posted the video below... I suggest if you have a problem to go to the website and check it out. If you have questions about it, send me a message.

We are not here to worship our bodies. We are not here to worship health. We are not here to worship money. We are not here to worship education or cars or the gym or even our loved ones. We are here to worship God. When one can understand that our bodies are gifts from him and that we have a responsibility to take care of them and use them for the purposes for which they were intended, I think a lot of our problems would fade away with our renewed faith and perspective.

Great video

Pain

First off, I want you to all know that I do not want you to glamorize my life and idolize me thinking that my life is perfect. For example, I was up til 4 am last night discussing relationship problems with my roommate. I was up til 3 am the night before talking with my fiancé about my problems. I am far from perfect and the people around me are far from perfect too. There was a time when Christopher was critical about my body and it hurt super bad. What amazes me about him is that when I talk to him about what hurts me, he cares enough to make a change. He digs deep within himself and refines what might be hurting others.

This morning I was thinking about life, as always, and I decided that a lot of life is accidentally hurting people. We all are victims of mistreatment in some form or another, and then in an effort to get and keep love, we end up hurt others. We all want to love and we all want to be loved, but there are so many barriers and insecurities and fears that get in the way. We often see others in their weakness and call them selfish or stupid or dangerous but I believe that we are all little children inside wanting to be loved. Sometimes we just go about it in the wrong way and end up hurting each other.

Lets look at being thin. Perhaps you were taught by your mother that it is important to be thin. She praises you when you are thin and warns you when she starts to see that you are getting fat. Or, she just is consumed with her own size and you, as a super absorbant child, internalize it all. Her fears become your fears. You want her love and acceptance. Because it is important to her, you know that she will be proud of you if you can achieve a body to die for. the sad thing about all of this is that she probably believes that she will finally feel secure in love once her body is different. She views her husband inability to love perfectly as a direct result of her imperfect body. It makes sense when the media teaches us that Men want one thing: sex. It is true, they want sex, but most men are not so shallow minded that this is ALL they want out of a relationship. If it is, then they have problems of their own to deal with. A whole other blog could be devoted to that subject. If that is the case, know that it is HIS problem. Not yours.

If a man does not love you because you are not perfect in your appearance than he is missing out and he is dooming himself to a life of loneliness because there is no such thing as a perfect appearance, just as much as there is no such thing as a perfect sunset or painting. They all should be appreciated for their uniqueness. It is the stupid media that convinces us that there is one way to be, and then reinforces that you don't measure up. This is how marketers get money; they prey on where you lack. Even if a man did find a perfect appearance, unless she spends thousands of dollars on plastic surgery and wrinkle creams her perfect appearance will fade.

It is easy tempting for a girl to not just be wanted for her looks. It is the easy way out. We know that as long as we look pretty, he will stick around. We don't have to invest emotionally, expose our inner selves, our insecurities, our weaknesses, our fears. We secretly like that he values us for our pretty face because it keeps us from having to expose ourselves too much and then watch him walk away.

So, no matter if you are single, or married please remember that what you look like is only a small part of you. It is important, but it is not the most important thing. What good is a clean and beautiful house if there is a murderer running lose in it? Would you go in the house? What about a clean house that has kind people who welcome you and you feel safe. That is the house that you want to be in, and the cleanliness is a welcomed bonus. I feel like our looks should be the cherry on top for a man, but not the foundation of ice cream. We don't have ice cream for the cherry, it is for the ice cream, but I enjoy every moment of that cherry. I think girls want to be loved for the ice cream (who they are) but have their man savour every bite of that red hot cherry! oo la la! ooo and no one wants to eat a regurgitated Cherry. We all want our own Cherry, one that has not already been chewed. However, if that is the case, not all hope is lost. God is willing to help those who have been a cherry passed around from man to man feeling all chewed up and spit out, waiting for another man to do the same. Christ can heal you and make you into a whole new cherry with no bite marks. Anyway, life can be a beast, but I love it that way.

I love you Daddy!

Sherry

The girl a Real man wants.

I wrote this poem the other day. Maybe I am apostate but I used the word Hell. :( Members of the church might be appalled, and my friends who are not LDS will probably laugh at me. I have tried to find a replacement word that will do justice to how I feel, but I failed....

I never was taught how to walk

yet I am expected to hike.

I head the trail eager as hell

determined to triumph at last

I take my first step

then I fall down

watch as the others go by

they laugh and scorn, think I am fat.

I curl in a ball and I cry

pretty face hiding behind her worldly facade

trips and breaks her poor leg

the root at foot is to blame

as the men quickly administer first aid,

then carry her the rest of the way

I watch as I lay alone and afraid

screaming from inside out

they tell me "be positive"

"be confident in yourself"

easy to say when you know how to walk.

oblivious before, I now see the blood

I suck it up, because its my fault

I should have been thinner

not fallen so soon

maybe its because I am big

thats it. if I were little, surely I would not fall

but if I did, the men would rush

they would bandage my aching wounds

my delicate self would make him feel man

but oh how he's really a mouse

a true man is one who can look past the crust

love a girl for what is inside

every girl needs a man who cares

regardless of her size

I have also gotten feedback that this blog is too angry. I am sorry, but part of the whole reason for this blog is to show that women can be real. I hurl at the thought of me feeling pressured to put on the perfect face because that is what some people want to see. I want to see people's real face. I am not afraid of anger if it is for a righteous purpose. I embrace it. It is true: I am angry at the messages that the world sends to men and women about how they should be. Even within the church or other religions, we often put pressure on each other to look or act a certain way. Like my financé helped me discover last night, it can be easy to make health a moral issue, when it is not. We say, oh I did not work out today. I am bad! oh, I had some cake, I am bad. REALLY? Does missing a workout merit you the label "bad"? How about the backbiting that you did an hour ago? What about the selfishness? Perhaps if we invested more of our energies into the issues that truly make a woman ugly, we could free ourselves from the tyranny of vanity. Just a thought.

So, the girl a real man wants is a girl that is genuine. A girl that cares more about others than she does about herself. This is a woman who has true beauty. When a woman is truly beautiful it starts in the inside and shines out in her eyes, in her smile and in her actions. Beauty is seen in the parts of her that are real, not in the parts of her that are painted on, or made of plastic. A girl who obsesses about her appearance is selfish and usually not happy. She is not meaning to be selfish, she is trying to be loved. This cycle needs to be stopped and it needs both men and women to do it. Women must fight the desire to gain the praise of the world wearing their seductive smile and men must stop chasing the women that encourage lust. If we didn't get attention from men when we are immodest, or flashy, then we wouldn't be that way. But if we would not be that way, men would not get so distracted and lose focus of what they want deep down: a woman who will love him.

I found a real man. Last night he talked to me for hours. He helped me to understand what makes me important, what makes me unique, what makes me worth loving, what makes me desirable. It did not have anything to do with what I looked like. He said that the first thing he thinks about when he thinks of me is my smile and my giggle. He said that he is attracted to me when he sees me being kind to others and sensitive to their needs. He said that he loves my passion and my desire to make change in the world. He said that he loves my mind. He said that he loves my serious side, the side that loves God and takes life seriously. I wrote them down and I am going to make sure that I remember those things when I have children and feel like my body is not so hot. I will remember this when I get lots of wrinkles and stretch marks and celulite. The world sees those as undesirable. It has taken some time, but I see them as evidences of a life well lived. I see them as a rejection of the world and a priority on the things that do matter. I am not a woman to just please the eye. I am a woman to love, to encourage, to help those in need, to bear children, to share my talents, and to share her genuine smile!

I love you Daddy!

Sherry

ps. sorry about the messed up fonts. I don't know why it get sooo messed up. Whatever, provides some variety I guess.