In an effort to tell my story chronologically I decided to start with my first attempt to lose weight that I can remember. I wish I remembered exactly how old I was, but I was young enough to not truly understand the concept of weight loss and how it works. My guess is that I was 5 or 6 years old.
I was sitting on the pink carpet in my mother's room while she was going through my Dad's laundry. I don't remember that much, but what I do remember is that as she held up a pair of his jeans and told me that she is going to have to buy Daddy some new jeans because he had been very stressed lately and as a result he had lost weight.
Her remark was innocent but for whatever reason my mind clung on to that idea like my fuzzy mittens on a the hooks of velcro. No, I do not wear velcro shoes. I speak of my winter jacket. If you are not from the north, take my word: It is annoying. Anyway, I was enthused by the idea that I had found the key to weight loss: I must be stressed! So, for the next week or so I would try really hard to be stressed. I imagine there are not many weighty things that a 6 year old can stress about, but I tried! Perhaps I would try to get worked up when someone would take my spot by my mom at the dinner table or even worse eat with my minnie mouse spoon! Soon enough I realized that it was not working and I gave up. I envied my Dad for his ability to lose weight from stress, and I wondered if something was wrong with me.
I also remembering believing when I was young that Grandpas lost their fingers like they do their teeth and hair because my grandpa was missing fingers. As a child's perspective of the world broadens he or she begins to comprehend what is normal and what is not. For example, in time I learned that most grandpas in fact do have all of their fingers, but for a long time my grandpa was the only one I knew and he was missing hair and fingers!
So, I use this example to show that children take life as they see it. The family is a primary reference point for them in understanding the world. Eventually I figured out that stress can cause weight loss because one may lose his apetite, and that stress was not a direct cause of weight loss. So, we are not children anymore but sometimes I wonder if we are as silly in buying into new weight loss fads that really don't make any sense. If I had talked to my mom about my ideas, she would have helped me to sort out my misconceptions. Because she was wiser than I, she would have been able to help me avoid a stressful week of fighting over a minnie mouse spoon! :)
Similarly, I believe that God has a greater perspective than all of us. He understands our bodies better than any Doctor or Dietician, for he is the one that created us! Doctors and Dieticians of sorts are wonderful because they have taped into God's knowledge and are helping us apply the application of truths about the body into our daily lives. However, I believe that no one on this earth understands me better than God. He not only understands my body like a doctor, but he understands perfectly my past, my present and my future-- something that my Doctor will never know. Not only does God have a complete and perfect perspective, but he knows my most private thoughts and feelings.
I have done a lot of work in my recovery, but never once did I stop praying for God to guide me. Through his guidance I have been led to therapist, friends, support groups, books, church leaders and family who all have been key players in helping me to change.
In summary, I have learned to be careful what I instantly believe. Even if I think I understand, oft times I don't. When I turn to God in prayer each day, he helps me sort out what I referred to in my last blog as "the trash in the wind." We don't want no trash now do we! Til tomorrow y'all!
I love you Daddy!