Friday, March 30, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
In choosing to let go, we are choosing to not work harder, but to walk away. We choose to leave our old task master behind and choose another who is more loving and even more powerful.
I love you Daddy!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
I feel that this is the same horrible cycle that I have been stuck in for so many years. My body is not what I think it should be, and I expect myself to eat "Perfect" everyday every meal. When I don't, because that is impossible, I get upset at myself and make more restrictions until eventually my relationship with food and myself is totally destroyed. I don't trust myself and so I feel fear every time food is around, I start to hate food because it is the horrible thing that is ruining my life and I am bitter against it that it has power over me. I NEED it to survive. So, I abuse it. I can tell you that this is NOT a fun way to live your life and it is a dangerous road to be on. There are many many things wrong with this. I will go through them. One, like I have said before, it is important to know that the diet and fitness industry are driven by MONEY. Just like fashion, the trends must change or else people will be content and no longer buy the latest. MONEY. They want your money. They feed off of good intentioned people who are trying to take care of their bodies and mess up their heads about what is good and what is bad.
I remember when I was a kid and it was time to have dessert, I was genuinely and completely excited. I enjoyed every bite and and experienced no guilt or self defeating thoughts. I was thin and active. Life was full of joy....then gradually life became about work and trying to be good enough. Play gradually turned into "WORKing out" and cookies gradually turned into Medication. I got overt and covert messages from my well intentioned family that I should not eat sweets especially when it was the off season. I began to believe that fat made me less than, and goodness gracious....who would want that!!!!! No one wants that! So, it started with sugar...sugar became the enemy. No more excitement to eat, eat slowly began to be a cycle of restrain, indulge, repent and repeat. Then it was restrain more, indulge more, repent , repeat. Restrain even more, indulge even more, repent , repeat. Finally, I realized that if a cycle wants to be broken, one or all of them need to be broken.
Restrain? Yup. Break it. There is no such thing as bad food. As intelligent as your body is, it does not know how to read food labels. It does not know the name of whatever you are eating. It does not send off "Store fat alarms" when you eat a hamburger. Nor does your body know how to tell time. It does not tell say....oh Sherry you ate at 8:02 and you know that your metabolism stops at 8. It is going to have to go into STORAGE! MUA HA HA! Suits you right Sherry for feeding me after 8. Suits you right for feeding me a piece of pizza instead of eating that cheese and meat and veggies in the form of a sandwich. So, the body many not know how to read, it is super super intelligent. We, thinking we know better often ignore it though when it is trying to talk to us.
Ever watch a baby. They are sooooo in tune with when they are hungry and when they are full. I believe that we still have that ability but diets and rules and guilt and shame do a good job of encouraging us to ignore them. The body has both hunger and satiety clues and if you listen closely you can hear them! These are the mechanisms in our body that God has given us to guide how much we eat. He also gave us appetites and food preferences. This is what guides us on knowing what you eat. I have known this principle for years, but I have been afraid to live this way because there are two things that you must accept in order to live this way. One, you must let go of trying to look like someone else, even and especially if that someone else is a past you. Second, you must be ok with not being "perfect" in your eating behaviors. Is there anyone out there that get exactly 8 hours of sleep every night to the very minute?? The great thing about the body is that it is good at finding balance, so listen to it! If you oversleep one day, you probably wont be so tired the next day unless your body really needs it! If I was like... OK I MUST get 8 hours of sleep every night....NO MORE NO LESS...while I was training for my marathon I would have been miserable. After my long runs my body would sleep for so long!!!! I have also noticed that I need more sleep when I have went through an emotionally straining couple of days. I trusted my body with sleep and that is how it should be with food too. If you eat a lot one day, don't worry! If you are consistently listening to your hunger and fullness cues then you may not be as hungry the next day.
When I let myself eat when I am hungry and then stop when I am comfortable, I DO NOT feel the need to indulge because my body knows that I am not going to starve it. I feel peace and I can focus on the more important things in life, like people.
Also, there is no repentance. I don't feel guilty for things that I used to feel guilty for and so there is no exercise to burn off calories, there is no throwing up, there is no laying in bed swearing to myself that I will never do that again.
I will stress though, in order to do this, I HAD to accept me for what I was. I also had to let go of the urgent desire to have a certain body, realizing that God does not care about what I look like. Sure, lots of men might think you should look different, but if you are living a life of joy and love and finding satisfaction from taking care of yourself and others, then he sure is missing out. You don't want a man to marry you for your body just as much as man does not want to be married for his money. Children of God are much more than a body and a career.
So, in summary, I know in a previous post I said that I ate what I planned and planned what I ate, but I don't do that anymore. This has always been my ultimate goal to eat intuitively but I did not believe that I could do it. With the help of the program that I posted last post, and the support of my loved ones I have finally come to this point. It still is a little scary but as long as I keep my thoughts in check, I will be ok. There are triggers for me that can throw me back so easily into my old ways of thinking. Some of those are when others around me are trying to lose weight, or avoid "bad" foods. Food did not hurt me. I hurt myself. Don't blame foods like sugar and butter for your unhappiness. And don't blame your unhappiness on your excess weight. Don't even blame yourself. You, like I, have probably put your trust in and found "health" information from sources that appeared to be looking out for your best interest (magazines, television, movies, advertisements, or parents and loved ones who were confused themselves) when the reality is that they want our money.
Well.. that was long. Hope it was helpful. I know I make typos and that my thoughts don't always flow, but I just sit down and write what is on my mind.....just like food...I would go crazy trying to make everything perfect. I am not publishing a book, I am posting a blog. Take it or leave it, but I am giving it raw!
I love you Daddy!
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
I have also gotten feedback that this blog is too angry. I am sorry, but part of the whole reason for this blog is to show that women can be real. I hurl at the thought of me feeling pressured to put on the perfect face because that is what some people want to see. I want to see people's real face. I am not afraid of anger if it is for a righteous purpose. I embrace it. It is true: I am angry at the messages that the world sends to men and women about how they should be. Even within the church or other religions, we often put pressure on each other to look or act a certain way. Like my financé helped me discover last night, it can be easy to make health a moral issue, when it is not. We say, oh I did not work out today. I am bad! oh, I had some cake, I am bad. REALLY? Does missing a workout merit you the label "bad"? How about the backbiting that you did an hour ago? What about the selfishness? Perhaps if we invested more of our energies into the issues that truly make a woman ugly, we could free ourselves from the tyranny of vanity. Just a thought.
So, the girl a real man wants is a girl that is genuine. A girl that cares more about others than she does about herself. This is a woman who has true beauty. When a woman is truly beautiful it starts in the inside and shines out in her eyes, in her smile and in her actions. Beauty is seen in the parts of her that are real, not in the parts of her that are painted on, or made of plastic. A girl who obsesses about her appearance is selfish and usually not happy. She is not meaning to be selfish, she is trying to be loved. This cycle needs to be stopped and it needs both men and women to do it. Women must fight the desire to gain the praise of the world wearing their seductive smile and men must stop chasing the women that encourage lust. If we didn't get attention from men when we are immodest, or flashy, then we wouldn't be that way. But if we would not be that way, men would not get so distracted and lose focus of what they want deep down: a woman who will love him.