It has been a hard road. I learned last night that in order to be fully recovered I need to ask God to heal my wounded heart. It can be very hard to do well in life when a broken heart is holding you back. I have experienced, like most in this world, a lot of heart ache. Be it break ups, someone telling me that I am too skinny, someone telling me that I am fat, someone comparing my body to my sister's bodies, someone making fun of me, someone breaking a promise, someone lie to me, someone gossip about me, someone abandon me when I need them most and one of the worst for me is when someone misunderstands me and does not listen when I try to help them understand the truth.
All of this is hard, and it will never go away. The nature of life is that if you want to be close to people and feel love, they will unintentionally or intentionally hurt you. I have learned that the more you love someone the more potential there is to hurt. It is important to be exceptionally kind to those who love you most because they care more about your love and approval than anyone else. Within your own family, your words have the potential to build or destroy a life. For example, if some stranger says...hey ugly come here! I would just look at them and laugh...thinking wow what is their problem. However, if my fiancé said that I would probably cry.
I have learned though, that life is better if your worth comes from God instead of what everyone else thinks of you. I would like to be at the point so that if my financé or mom would call me ugly, I would also think it was their problem. This is hard to do and the reality is that I will feel pain in the future. I want to go about things differently though. I want to take it immediately to God in Prayer so that he can heal me. Spiritual wounds are like physical wounds in that they need to be tended to right away if you don't want an infection to spread.
Unattended spiritual wounds are super painful and they interfere with relationships both with yourself and with others. I have not done this in the past. I think I have felt like I must remember the pain in order to protect me from future pain. I am learning to not be afraid of people. They only have power over me if i let them. Like my Professor Dr. Lockhart says, "What you think of me is none of my business." I could not agree more.
I love you Daddy!