Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Healing is a Process.

There was a time in my life when I was so eager to be healed from...well whatever the problem was, food addiction, bulimia, anorexia, EDNOS. To be honest, I am not crazy about labelling myself with something. I don't need to be diagnosed with something to realize that there is a problem. I remember seeing a girl at church who had anorexia and almost died. Everyone was giving her so much help and love including my Dad and I remember one time I got so mad and said to my mom, "Must I almost be dead for someone to realize that I need some help too!?" It was slightly tempting for me to let myself get super sick so that people would reach out and help me, but ultimately I did not choose that path because quite frankly I knew that it would be hell.

So, in my thirst for healing from whatever I had I would pray to God and ask him to heal me. I figured that if God could heal a blind man or raise a man from the dead, or heal a women with a blood condition just from her simply touching his garment, that He could heal me. When I did not get that instant healing I was frustrated. I did not understand. Why does God sometime let people suffer in sickness for years while others die months after their diagnosis? I don't know all the answers why, but I do know that healing did not come in a moment for me. Healing comes one step at a time. It has been an 26 year path of discovery, and I am still on it. Everyday I learn more about myself, more about my environment and how the two can live peacefully together. Instead of comparing myself to those who were healed instantly, I use the Israelites as my inspiration. They relied on God daily for their Manna and everyday they had faith, God delivered. If I had been healed instantly, it would have been easier to forget God. A slow healing keeps me humble and ever reliant on my maker who understands me and my needs.

Through trial and error, I have come up with a way of life, and a guide to balanced eating and exercise that works for me. It am still testing it out, but when I feel like all of the kinks are worked out, I will most likely share it on here. Hold tight though, because it will probably take a couple more months before I feel confident enough in it to share with others.

In the mean time I will continue sharing my feelings, my thoughts and my story. Thank you so much to all who read and are giving me support. Each and every e-mail and comment has meant so much to me. It helps me stay courageous and not shy away from sharing the worst part about me that I have kept quiet for so long. Please keep them coming and feel free to ask me any questions too. It may use those questions as inspiration for my future posts!

I love you Daddy!

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