Wednesday, March 21, 2012


First off, I want you to all know that I do not want you to glamorize my life and idolize me thinking that my life is perfect. For example, I was up til 4 am last night discussing relationship problems with my roommate. I was up til 3 am the night before talking with my fiancé about my problems. I am far from perfect and the people around me are far from perfect too. There was a time when Christopher was critical about my body and it hurt super bad. What amazes me about him is that when I talk to him about what hurts me, he cares enough to make a change. He digs deep within himself and refines what might be hurting others.

This morning I was thinking about life, as always, and I decided that a lot of life is accidentally hurting people. We all are victims of mistreatment in some form or another, and then in an effort to get and keep love, we end up hurt others. We all want to love and we all want to be loved, but there are so many barriers and insecurities and fears that get in the way. We often see others in their weakness and call them selfish or stupid or dangerous but I believe that we are all little children inside wanting to be loved. Sometimes we just go about it in the wrong way and end up hurting each other.

Lets look at being thin. Perhaps you were taught by your mother that it is important to be thin. She praises you when you are thin and warns you when she starts to see that you are getting fat. Or, she just is consumed with her own size and you, as a super absorbant child, internalize it all. Her fears become your fears. You want her love and acceptance. Because it is important to her, you know that she will be proud of you if you can achieve a body to die for. the sad thing about all of this is that she probably believes that she will finally feel secure in love once her body is different. She views her husband inability to love perfectly as a direct result of her imperfect body. It makes sense when the media teaches us that Men want one thing: sex. It is true, they want sex, but most men are not so shallow minded that this is ALL they want out of a relationship. If it is, then they have problems of their own to deal with. A whole other blog could be devoted to that subject. If that is the case, know that it is HIS problem. Not yours.

If a man does not love you because you are not perfect in your appearance than he is missing out and he is dooming himself to a life of loneliness because there is no such thing as a perfect appearance, just as much as there is no such thing as a perfect sunset or painting. They all should be appreciated for their uniqueness. It is the stupid media that convinces us that there is one way to be, and then reinforces that you don't measure up. This is how marketers get money; they prey on where you lack. Even if a man did find a perfect appearance, unless she spends thousands of dollars on plastic surgery and wrinkle creams her perfect appearance will fade.

It is easy tempting for a girl to not just be wanted for her looks. It is the easy way out. We know that as long as we look pretty, he will stick around. We don't have to invest emotionally, expose our inner selves, our insecurities, our weaknesses, our fears. We secretly like that he values us for our pretty face because it keeps us from having to expose ourselves too much and then watch him walk away.

So, no matter if you are single, or married please remember that what you look like is only a small part of you. It is important, but it is not the most important thing. What good is a clean and beautiful house if there is a murderer running lose in it? Would you go in the house? What about a clean house that has kind people who welcome you and you feel safe. That is the house that you want to be in, and the cleanliness is a welcomed bonus. I feel like our looks should be the cherry on top for a man, but not the foundation of ice cream. We don't have ice cream for the cherry, it is for the ice cream, but I enjoy every moment of that cherry. I think girls want to be loved for the ice cream (who they are) but have their man savour every bite of that red hot cherry! oo la la! ooo and no one wants to eat a regurgitated Cherry. We all want our own Cherry, one that has not already been chewed. However, if that is the case, not all hope is lost. God is willing to help those who have been a cherry passed around from man to man feeling all chewed up and spit out, waiting for another man to do the same. Christ can heal you and make you into a whole new cherry with no bite marks. Anyway, life can be a beast, but I love it that way.

I love you Daddy!

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