Bulimia

I have been thinking about my life and where I have been. I remember that sometimes my food would accidentally come up, then I would just conveniently spit it out. I told my sister about this in high school and she warned me that it was not a good idea. I did not listen to her. I have never been a full blown bulimic, but i know people who are. It is a horrible horrible disease. Isn't it crazy how powerful the desire to be thin can be? Humans can want to be thin so bad that they will eat large amounts of food til they feel sick and then force themselves to vomit? Some do this multiple times a day, others do it a few times a week, a few times a month or like in my case, I did it few times a year.

Why? In my opinion, bulimia's root is a desperate need for love. A cry for acceptance. An attempt to be good enough, to be attractive, desirable, respected. In professional treatment for eating disorders they teach that eating disorders are about control. I agree with this, but I think even deeper is why there is such a deep desire to control. For me, the feelings were that if I could control what I looked like, then if people rejected me I could feel peace that it was not for what I looked like. If I could maintain my looks, then I could control others in that they would always love me and accept me. We talk like it is a mental disorder that is warped, but isn't it true that many people disapprove of fat people? Isn't it true that many people feel sick when they watch a fat person eat? Isn't it true that what the media deems as the most beautiful women are thin? Isn't it true that many men see fatter woman as less than? I know a man who told his son that he deserved better because his girlfriend was fat. The funny thing is that she was not even fat! She was totally normal looking. For most of my life, I have been taught from my experiences that people admire me and want to be close to me and listen to me and respect me when I am thin, and when I have been bigger people encourage me to lose weight, they encourage me to restrict my eating and they are not as eager to listen to my advice on health. It is true. People are sick. We value the wrong things and put unnecessary pressure on our loved ones and on ourselves. It is hard to keep the right focus when constantly around us we are receiving messages about what we should and should not be.

I am an advocate for a complete health, not just physical health. If your mental health is suffering because you can not stop hitting the physical health button, you have a problem.

If you are eating and throwing up. Stop. First stop the throwing up, even if you binge. That is the first step. You must learn to face the consequences of your actions instead of trying to escape them. I had a dream this year that my recovery was like a maze. I have been trying multiple different things and then I hit a dead end and have to try a new path.... I felt like I was almost there.... then after praying for help I found a website. I watched the promotion for the program and in the video there was the exact maze that was in my dream. I was afraid to buy this program because I thought it may just be for money, but SERIOUSLY it helped me so much. I have posted the video below... I suggest if you have a problem to go to the website and check it out. If you have questions about it, send me a message.

We are not here to worship our bodies. We are not here to worship health. We are not here to worship money. We are not here to worship education or cars or the gym or even our loved ones. We are here to worship God. When one can understand that our bodies are gifts from him and that we have a responsibility to take care of them and use them for the purposes for which they were intended, I think a lot of our problems would fade away with our renewed faith and perspective.