Friday, March 2, 2012

I cheated on a test!

One thing that I failed to mention is that in gr 10, before I started gaining weight, we had to take an eating disorder quiz in one of our classes. It when through a list of yes or no questions. At the end of the quiz it said that if you answered 2 or more yes than you either have an eating disorder or are on your way to one and should seek help. I laughed this off at first thinking it was ridiculous because I had NO idea that not all girls felt like me. I remember that I leaned over and peaked at my friend Kathy's paper and she had mostly no. That was a huge moment for me, not only was it the first time that I peaked onto someone else's quiz :) (and last I must add), but I realized that there could be something wrong with me or at least with my patterns of thought. So, I started to study. I had a 2nd block spare the following semester and I would go into the library and hide in a cubicle reading every book I could find on eating disorders and distorted body image. I was too embarrassed to check them out so I just sat in my cubby. I also did a lot of research and studying on the internet. I made a binder for myself and printed off pages and pages of things that could help me.

At first I did not talk about it to anyone, but eventually I opened up to my sisters and mom. I am here to tell my story and mine only, but part of my story is that for a lot of my life I have been surrounded by women who are just as lost as me. I have had a roommate die of anorexia and another roommate who was bulimic that I had to take to the hospital after she attempted to take her own life. I know people that use laxatives, I know women that take diet pills, I know women who eat and throw up consistently, I know women who refuse to eat when life gets rough, I know women who compulsively exercise and I know women who can't stop binge eating. I write this to show how my passion not only stems from my own struggles. There are many that I have and do love that are being tortured by this monster and I want to do all I can to destroy it. I started with myself. I figured out how to destroy the monster in my life, and now I am sharing it with others.
Love you for you, a daughter of a Heavenly King, a princess.

I love you Daddy!

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